I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." (Jeremiah 29:11-13 The Message)
About a month ago I experienced a loss in my life. The details are both unnecessary and unimportant. All that is relevant is this: I made the decision to part ways with someone that I had come to care for deeply. To some people the ending of a relationship might seem insignificant. This is not the case for me! When it comes to close relationships, I am a quality person not a quantity person. I do not form meaningful relationships easily or frequently. I am a friend to many, yet close with few.
I do not trust without hesitation. I do not let down my guard easily. I tend to be circumspect when it comes to being vulnerable before people. Because it is a challenge for me to open up my heart, I highly value the important relationships that I have with others. So when a relationship ends, I tend to take it quite seriously.
The past few weeks I have been wrestling with letting go of what was lost. Through it all I have held on too tightly! The tighter my grasp the less I looked to God and the more I looked at myself. I have questioned myself. I have analyzed myself. I have criticized myself. I have blamed myself. I have examined the situation until nothing remained. I found myself withdrawing into my shell like a Hermit Crab does to protect itself from danger.
Two weeks ago the reality of what was lost hit me hard. This came with another loss. Sadly, the mother of one of my students died. Her illness was sudden, her death shocking! This loss did not directly involve me and its impact isn’t comparable. However, it was dealing with the emotional turmoil of this situation that led me to see that I had not let go of my own loss. I have been begging God to meet me in the midst of my hurt and disappointment, but I have not been willing to surrender my hurt and disappointment to Him. God has shown me that I need to stop trying and surrender. Right here, right now! I do not fully understand God's plan, but I do believe His promise, For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NASB) All I can do is surrender and seek Him!
Maybe you have experienced loss recently. Whatever your loss might look like: a life, a relationship, a job, a dream, or health. Be reminded that God wants us to let go! He desires to take the burdens that we carry and shoulder them for us. I encourage you to let go of your loss and surrender it to God. In the moments when you do not understand the events of life, when you are unable to see His plan, He is there for you. Stop trying, surrender!
The lyrics to this song have been my mantra lately. It is my prayer that each of us will realize that all we can do is surrender.
