What Makes You Feel Alive?

As a child, what did you dream of becoming when you grew-up? A civil servant? An athlete? A celebrity? An academic? A homemaker? 

Personally I never dreamt of grandeur. In fact, I would say that my dreams were nothing out of the ordinary. I recall wanting to be a doctor, an astronaut, a police officer, an actress, a teacher and an athlete.

All of these dreams, excluding one, did not withstand the passing of time and age. The occupation that captured and held my dreams - teaching! My desire to teach began when I was ten years old. From that time on, being a teacher has been what I have worked toward. My desire to teach has been one of the few constants in my life, aside from God.

While my dream has come true, I never imagined that my life would look like it does today. My life is drastically different from the dreams of my youth. I imagined that I would be living a cookie cutter life. My dreams included a house in the suburbs, a husband, a family, a job in a public school, visits from my parents, vacations to exotic places, and more. The quintessential American life.  

  

God had better plans for me. As I have seen on numerous occasions, God has a humorous way of taking my plans and rewriting them.

One of the greatest surprises of my life has been living overseas. I never thought I would leave home at the age of eighteen and travel over 5,000 miles from home to Kenya, East Africa. I never thought the inhabitants of a country would capture me heart in such a powerful way. I never thought these people would frequent my dreams eight years later. Kenya have shaped and molded every aspect of my life. It is the home of my heart!

All I experienced in Kenya influences the person I am today, and a lot of this experience occurred on the streets. 

Almost a decade later, my life in Kenya is at odds with my life in Indonesia. My days in Kenya were spent with the impoverished. My days here are spent with the privileged. My life in Kenya was unconventional. My life here is conventional.

This past week I returned to the streets! In returning I realized something life altering. I remembered what it felt like to be alive in Christ.

I am happy with where God has placed me at this time and in this place. However, let me share something that I have shared with few. Since moving here I have often felt disinterested and lost. Yes, my life is full of life, love and laughter. I am confident that God has called me here, but I do not feel alive here. My life has become routine, and my faith has become stagnant.

Yet as I entered the streets all uncertainty faded away and in its place confidence surged through me. It was as if my lungs, which had ceased to be filled with oxygen, were full once again. This was all without my knowledge. I felt fully alive!

I spent the morning reaching across barriers with the greatest gift - God's love! I remembered the passionate eighteen year old girl that left familiarity for the sake of following God’s call. I remembered the girl that cared of nothing more than making the love of God known to all she encountered. I remembered the girl that let God dream for her.

So what does this mean? My dream to teach has not changed. In fact little about my life has changed, except my heart. God has reminded of me of my first love - to live a life fully alive in Him.

 Reflecting on all that has occurred recently. I can say with confidence, "I still want to be a teacher!" I am not sure what shape or form my classroom will take in the end. Will it be in a school? Will it be in the streets? Will it be in a rural village? Will it be in a rented room? Will it be in my home? I do not have an answer, but I rest secure in the One who has all the answers. To Him I give my dreams!

What desire has God placed in heart that makes you feel fully alive? 

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 (ESV)

Letting Go of What Has Been Lost

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." (Jeremiah 29:11-13 The Message)

About a month ago I experienced a loss in my life. The details are both unnecessary and unimportant. All that is relevant is this: I made the decision to part ways with someone that I had come to care for deeply. To some people the ending of a relationship might seem insignificant. This is not the case for me! When it comes to close relationships, I am a quality person not a quantity person. I do not form meaningful relationships easily or frequently. I am a friend to many, yet close with few.

I do not trust without hesitation. I do not let down my guard easily. I tend to be circumspect when it comes to being vulnerable before people. Because it is a challenge for me to open up my heart, I highly value the important relationships that I have with others. So when a relationship ends, I tend to take it quite seriously.

The past few weeks I have been wrestling with letting go of what was lost. Through it all I have held on too tightly! The tighter my grasp the less I looked to God and the more I looked at myself. I have questioned myself. I have analyzed myself. I have criticized myself. I have blamed myself. I have examined the situation until nothing remained. I found myself withdrawing into my shell like a Hermit Crab does to protect itself from danger.

Two weeks ago the reality of what was lost hit me hard. This came with another loss. Sadly, the mother of one of my students died. Her illness was sudden, her death shocking! This loss did not directly involve me and its impact isn’t comparable. However, it was dealing with the emotional turmoil of this situation that led me to see that I had not let go of my own loss. I have been begging God to meet me in the midst of my hurt and disappointment, but I have not been willing to surrender my hurt and disappointment to Him. God has shown me that I need to stop trying and surrender. Right here, right now! I do not fully understand God's plan, but I do believe His promise, For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NASB) All I can do is surrender and seek Him!

Maybe you have experienced loss recently. Whatever your loss might look like: a life, a relationship, a job, a dream, or health. Be reminded that God wants us to let go! He desires to take the burdens that we carry and shoulder them for us. I encourage you to let go of your loss and surrender it to God.  In the moments when you do not understand the events of life, when you are unable to see His plan, He is there for you. Stop trying, surrender!

The lyrics to this song have been my mantra lately. It is my prayer that each of us will realize that all we can do is surrender.

A Response

“When I heard, ‘God loves me’ something just popped here,” she said placing her hand on her chest. Tears flowed from her oversized, brown, clear eyes. Sitting there stroking her back, I implored her to tell me what was causing her such distress. These words poured from her lips, “When I think about Him (Jesus) suffering and dying on the cross for me, I feel so sad.” At these words I realized she was broken. Broken by the truth of the Gospel.

I am a delinquent blogger! By this point I am quite certain that the only people who follow my blog are my parents. They still read for two reasons: First, they are parents and reading your daughters blog is in the parental contract. Second, I will say to them, "Hey I blogged! You should check it out, please." The fact that they do this refers back to the primary reason

I wish I had some impressive excuse for not blogging, yet I do not! All I have is the pitiful reality that it has been almost three months since I last posted. My life continues to be quite busy, but full! You might be wondering, what has happened in the last three months? Well, in the past three months:

• I completed my first semester as a paid teacher.
• I travelled home for Christmas. 

• I was reunited with LEB after approximately 135 days of being apart. 
• I returned to Indonesia.
• I celebrated two friend’s birthdays.
• I was stuck in a bus for 7 hours, with two classes of students, while a demonstration blocked the highway.

• I was confined to my neighborhood for over 24 hours due to another local demonstration, related to the first.

• I spent several weekends with dear friends.
• I missed 7 days of work in two weeks.
• I had strep throat for the first time in my life. 

I lived! I loved! I laughed! Plus a lot more…

More recently I went on a retreat with my sixth grade students. Seeing students outside the confines of the classroom is always an adventure. You never know what crazy shenanigans will ensue. During the two days that we spent together, in the breathtaking hills of Puncak, I learned a lot about each student. The time, away from class, gave me multiple opportunities to interact with the students both in groups and individually. I am thankful for the bonds that we formed outside the classroom and the positive transfer these bonds have had inside the classroom. 

The most significant moment of the retreat came in the form of a conversation with a student. This powerful conversation is summarized in the snippet at the opening. Out of all the activities, why was this the most significant moment? Well you see, God used this conversation to remind me that when confronted with the Truth of the Gospel there will always be a response. No human being can encounter the Truth of the Gospel and not respond in one of two ways. The first response is a realization of the hopeless condition that each of us in without Jesus Christ. This realization leads one to look to Christ, believe in the name of God’s one and only Son and be saved. The second option is to not embrace the Truth of the Gospel and to continue to wander in sin.


Having said this, I am reminded of a favorite quote by Charles Spurgeon, "I take it that the highest proof of Christ’s power is not that He offers salvation, not that He bids you take it if you will, but that when you reject it, when you hate it, when you despise it, He has a power whereby He can change your mind, make you think differently from your former thoughts, and turn you from the error of your ways." 


Too often I think that I am the one who responds to God. God reminded me that when confronted with the Truth of the Gospel there is always a response, yet this response does not come from human will. I am convinced that it is a result of the powerful work of the Holy Spirit in each life that causes a response. Ultimately it is not man's will that produces salvation, it is God's will. The aforementioned student is an example of God's power to bring a person to the point of repentant brokenness. Thanks be to God for His power to change the heart of this sinner! 


So life is calling me back! Be blessed lovelies! 

A Day to Remember God's Blessing

Currently my life is utter and complete madness! I am in the process of editing report card comments, submitting my English grades, participating in school events, fulfilling commitments at school, spending time with friends, preparing to return home for the break, and trying to sleep occasionally. ;) Honestly, I am so thankful that I will be traveling home on Monday. The thought of being back in Colorado with my family and friends is almost more than I can handle! 

Amidst the craziness that I call my life, I find it necessary to stop and reflect on a season of life that happened not long ago. During this season I experienced God's blessings through pain and difficulty. 

Friday, my dad had his three year cancer check-up at the Mayo Clinic. I prayed that the results of these tests would indicate that he was cancer free! Praise God! For the third year in a row my dad continues show no signs of cancer. I find it difficult to believe that it has been three years since he was diagnosed with cancer, was treated, and entered into remission. The events of that time seem far removed from my life, yet the effects are long lasting as my life was dramatically changed.

That specific season was a time of immense growth for my family, both as individuals and as a family unit. Individually, we handled and dealt with this trauma in different ways. As a family, we grew closer in our relationships with each other as well as with God. From the beginning to the end, God was actively present and His faithfulness was seen.

For those of you who know my dad, you know that he is a living, breathing representation of God's transformation! As ponder all that God has done, I thought I would share an e-mail I wrote the day my dad had his prostatectomy. My prayer is that your heart, soul, and mind will be turned towards our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! 

To the Faithful!

Becca here!

For the past two months I have been pretty jealous of my mom, as she has sent out these little updates. So I practically begged her to let me do the update tonight. Like the great woman that she is, she decided to share this delightful task with me, or she may have consented due to my incessant whining.  

I would like to share a few things that happened during this time in my family’s life. I hope these experiences will encourage you in your life, and most importantly turn your lives towards our Savior, Jesus Christ. As a family our desire, from the beginning, has been to let God use this time in my dad’s life to bring glory to God’s holy name. My prayer tonight is that, as I share with you, that you will encounter God and worship Him as a result.

This, very early, morning driving to the Mayo Clinic was a sweet time of tearful prayer as we beseeched God to watch over my precious dad. How wonderful it was to rest on the promises of God that “though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.” We will not fear because, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:2b-3, 1) In the book of Job, when the trials came to Job, God did not answer Job's cries with an answer as to why he (Job) was being afflicted; instead, God reminded Job of His character. This morning each of us were nervous as we stepped into the unknown, but our spirits were strengthened from knowing the character of our God.

Later in the morning, about 30 minutes before surgery, we were taken back to see Dad. Again I was so impressed by the work of the Lord in the life of my dad. Each person who entered that examination room was greeted by a exuberant, joyful (almost too happy for the early hour) man who was determine to be nothing but a ray of sunshine or should I say Christ-shine to every person who crossed his path. At one point he even said, “I will be nothing but happy today!” This is the power of God, the evidence of sanctification that can only come from truly encountering Christ.

Right after being diagnosed my dad said to me, “You know your Mom and I have been asking God for more opportunities to share God with others, especially people whom we normally would not interact with.” Through this process I have asked the question, “Why Dad?”  My dad may have inwardly asked this question, but his actions have spoken louder by saying, “Why not me!” I think that this little devotional encompasses the attitude that God has internalized in my dad’s life:

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

No one should be shaken by these afflictions; for you yourselves know that we are appointed to this. For, in fact, we told you before when we were with you that we would suffer tribulation. In Me you . . . peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

            I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. He shall be like the light of the morning when the sun rises, a morning without clouds, like the tender grass springing out of the earth, by clear shining after rain.

            He will swallow up death forever, and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces. There shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. We who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Therefore comfort one another with these words.

Psalm 30:5; 1 Thessalonians 3:3-4; John 16:33; Psalm 17:15; Romans 13:12; 2 Samuel 23:4; Isaiah 25:8; Revelation 21:4; 1 Thessalonians 4:17-18

Our dear friend, Sherri Forrest, when she was battling cancer wrote about lyrics to a song by Ginny Owens. Until this morning I never fully understood the message of the song. Now I do! Anyone who has interacted with my Dad in the past two months can attest to the fact that cancer has changed him, or should I more accurately say that God through the disease of cancer has changed my Dad. About a month ago, my brother and I were discussing the changes that we have seen in our Dad over the years, oh how he has changed. How great is our God! Not only does he save us from the wretchedness of our sinful life. He doesn’t leave us in our transgressions; instead He transforms us into the likeness of His Son. When we encounter the truth of the gospel we cannot help but respond! I will leave you with the Ginny Owens song I referenced, may you be encouraged by the words.

If You Want Me To

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering that Your love put You through
And I will walk through the darkness
If You want me to

Cuz when I cross over Jordan
Gonna sing, gonna shout,
Gonna look into Your eyes and see You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to You
And I will walk though the valley
If You want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley
If You want me to 

Blessings! 

A Present from Home

Saturday I returned home from a long day in Jakarta to a marvelous present. This present had arrived in the form of a Nike duffel bag. How did a Nike duffel bag make it from Colorado to Indonesia? Well, dear friends of mine were kind enough to bring the duffel all the way from home. 

As you can see, I was pretty excited! What made this teacher so happy? School supplies! Markers and crayons and colored pencils, oh my! Plus bordered paper! I am ecstatic to share these supplies with my students. Thank you to my amazing mum for taking the time to purchase these supplies! 

While I am ecstatic about the school supplies, the best present was a packet of pictures! Pictures of my beloved nephew. Pictures of my precious brother. Pictures of my dear daddy. Pictures of my beautiful mum. Okay, pictures of those I love and miss dearly! 

Five more weeks until Christmas and then I will be able to see those I love in the flesh! 

Dear Adventure, How I Have Missed You!

I know that it has been too long since I have posted. The few readers that I have (my mom) may be wondering why I have a blog when I do not use it. Well, all I can say is that my life is crazy busy and it is easy to put off blogging. Call me a communication slacker if you want. It's sad, but true. :) 

Anyhoo... I just returned from a short, much needed, holiday. The break could not have come at a better time. I was spiritually, mentally, and physically drained. Friday morning I flew from Jakarta to Bali to meet up with a group of both old and new friends. The group that I travelled with was composed of teachers from two other SPHI campuses. I have become acquainted with these folks through inter-campus events and church. All of them are delightful people! I am grateful to have become quite close with a couple of them. God continually blesses me through the friendships that have been formed since moving here. I love being able to share life, love, and laughter with these people! 

We went to an island off Bali for the break. After meeting up in Bali, we took a boat from Senur to Nusa Lembongan. Nusa Lembongan Island is off the east coast of Bali. It is a quiet island with crystal clear waters, vibrant colors and friendly locals. Just what I needed!

The first afternoon was spent getting settled, relaxing and exploring. In the afternoon a trio of us walked along the shore exploring the local area. I loved observing the locals, especially the children, as they went about their daily tasks. The first evening we ate at a restaurant overlooking the water. The delicious food paired with a relaxed atmosphere made for an enjoyable first evening. 

Saturday morning a group of us went to Dream Beach for the day. Dream Beach is on the south coast of the island.  I was able to spend the day sunbathing, swimming, and sleeping. The beach was not as quiet as I would have liked, but who am I to complain. I was on the beach for goodness sake. This additional activity was due to a ROXY photo shoot what was taking place. Let me just say that observing the entire photo shoot happenings was an experience alone. 

After lunch a newer friend of mine, Jake, was kind enough to take the three 'Rebeccas' around the island on a motorbike. Jake teaches at the Lippo Village campus. What I have come to realize about Jake is that he works hard and plays hard. On the island you can easily rent motorbikes as a mode of transportation. Although I have experience on ATVs and have driven a motorbike in Kenya, I opted to not drive a motorbike. The roads are quite rough and I am determined to go home for Christmas accident free. Unlike my previous travels in Kenya. I was the last to go exploring, and we made plans to meet the group back at the hotel. 

First we crossed this insane bridge that led to a smaller island. This one lane bridge was downright unnerving, especially when meeting oncoming motorbike and foot traffic. Driving over the bridge I could hear what sounded like the slats popping up behind us. Whenever we had to stop I kept expecting to fall through, bike and all. The bridge was sturdier than it appeared, obviously, and we made it over safely. After crossing the bridge we proceeded to go to the same spots where the other girls had been. At one point there was a rustling in the trees and a large monitor lizard darted across the road in front of us. That startled both of us! 

Those who know me are aware that I like adventure! Yes, I am pensive and capricious. Yes, I am quiet and shy. I do not extend myself unless I feel comfortable, but then it is like night and day! Well, a great thing about Jake is that he likes adventure too.  So when he asked if we should take an unknown road I was game. This led to another road, to another road, to another road. I am sure you get the picture. Up, up, up we went until we were at what seemed to be the top of the island. After heading down we decided to take a new route back. Along the way we stumbled upon a waste site and two beautiful temples. We were able to experience the raw beauty of the island! 

We were having such an enjoyable time that neither of us really noticed that the sun was setting. Until he stopped the bike and said, "You know what's wrong right?" I'll be honest, at first I had no idea what was wrong; however, it did not take me long to realize that we had run out of gas... What! Jake was really beating himself up over the situation, but we had set out to have an adventure.

Well, the only option was to walk. After walking a short distance, about a 1/2 mile, we found a group of local men. We arranged to buy some petrol from one man, but in the end he tried to charge us way too much for way too little.  What did we do? We kept walking. Finally, we came to a family compound where we met a nice couple. The husband sold us some petrol at a raised rate, but less than most tourists pay. After filling the tank, saying our goodbyes, and taking a photograph we continued on our way. By now it was past dark and there was another problem. Amidst all the exploration, adventure, and side roads we had missed a few turns. Like I said, we had set out to have an adventure.

After meeting another kindhearted local, we managed to make it back to the place we were staying. The group waiting was relieved to see that we were alive and in one piece. We headed out for another delicious dinner overlooking the water. The next way was spent snorkeling, relaxing, and eating more yummy food... Well, life is calling me back to reality. I will have to save the rest of the story for another day!

My prayer is that all of you doing well, living life fully in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Each day I am reminded that He is the way, the truth and the life. May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spriti, be with you all.  (2 Corinthians 13:14 NASB)

The House

Recently I have been getting questions about my house. Rather than writing about the house, I decided to post pictures.

Entry

Living Room

Dining Room and Kitchen

Guest Room

Office

Master Bedroom

There are a few unusual decorative elements. They add character, right?

Above the Kitchen Sink

Dining Room Area

Some of the colors are a bit too Cotton Candy colored for me, personally. The guest bedroom is a Cotton Candy pink and the office is a Cotton Candy blue. As for Tom and Jerry, I plan to buy something to hang over them. The open area is quite common. In fact, many of the kitchens are outdoors. Currently the roof area it is just a large grate, but on Monday a screen will be installed over the top. I have been having some unwelcome visitors. All I will say is this, an open jar of peanut butter, a bag of noodles minus the noodles, and something goes boom in the night.

Overall, I am enjoying my new house. It is a bit sparse, but I have been here for less than a month. I will post updates as I add new things. I will leave you with my favorite picture. Who knew that my favorite flower would be growing in my yard. Yay, for frangipani flowers!